i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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