i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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