You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
That reminds me...we need to get swords
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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