he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
