3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
