So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
i need to put some appletini on your dick
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
