a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
