the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
