i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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