i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
