We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
There r osticjed everywhere
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
