I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
