A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We are two peas in an std pod
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
