apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
