Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
