Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
