Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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