Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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