while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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