Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
