Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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