Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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