thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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