The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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