when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize