some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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