Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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