If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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