she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
