Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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