I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
