Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
