I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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