my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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