My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
