You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
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