I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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