She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
