lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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