Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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