I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
