do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
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Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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