you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
