there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
