Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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