Actions speak louder than pants.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are two peas in an std pod
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
