What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
