If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
