The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
