Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
