You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
