Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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