so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
