I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
