I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
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I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
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Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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