No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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