so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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