If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
