I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
