just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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