I hate all girls vehemently.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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