just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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