Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
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