Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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