Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
